I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
