it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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