Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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