I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
