12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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