I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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