remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
