for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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