Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
