Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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