yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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