sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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