then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I checked into jail on foursquare
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I need to sanitize my soul.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
