Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
