he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
