Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
