4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
