You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
