yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
