I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
