onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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