I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
