i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
