So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
