You're completely useless in the revolution.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm getting married
To pizza
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
