just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
