How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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