having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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