i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
