It's Friday. Sex?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
