she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
