She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
