"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
