I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
