I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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