whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
