Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
