i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
