watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
