When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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