i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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