Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
