just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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