They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
