girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
