nut hugger
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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