3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
