On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
