You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
