Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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