how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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