capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
