i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
